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Sunday, November 30, 2008

Not So Buoyant.....

I am feeling not so buoyant this week..... yet a sense of compulsion makes me write a post for my blog..... I am appalled, like millions of people, by the Mumbai mayhem that has seen so many people dead, and many more injured and grieving. As if the financial depression, the social tension, the communal strife, the natural calamities, the freakish accidents and other disasters were not enough as dampeners, now we are scarred by distrust as well as a mammoth fear of being devoured by the senseless violence unleashed on us by the terrorists.

I wish people were more aware of our environment and I also wish I knew how to make it more harmonious. At the micro-level, there is a larger need for creating balance and harmony in relationships. We can't help feeling more and more stressed about meeting about smaller - read baser - things, preventing our biological clock from running out. There is too much clutter in our lives. Either we succumb to the loneliness, or in an effort to be more social, we increase our anxiety manifold, dogged by silly little concerns. Trying for a last bid effort to save our very existence with drastic changes, we might struggle with even achieving the sustaining levels. Things keep changing almost overnight for many of us. And a quick and easy fix that works in mysterious ways isn't likely to be found. We often need to take a good cleaning out, after a hardcore recce is done.

As I reflect on my own journey just a little, I lament lacking the strong convictions that could have otherwise strengthened me. I try not to formulate adjustments too hastily. But I still am unable to conserve my physical strength by organizing your domestic and daily responsibilities into an efficient schedule which allows ample rest periods. I keep feeling overworked, and relief is hardly in sight.
My annoyances and inconveniences keep piling up. Having differences with housemates or workmates or friends or relatives has become a norm. I hate to admit that even my affability has hit an all-time low. How do I stay strong while I am butting heads with someone important and influential? How do I reach a fair compromise?

I wish my work and daily responsibilities were more stimulating and interesting for me during this period. But work and domestic duties never seem to blend harmoniously! My friends are important to me now, but my social interactions in this realm of your life have hardly been helpful. It is a paradox that I look for guidance and support in all the odd places. Generally, it is my emotional intensity that multiplies my confusion. Today my only concern should be in stabilizing my directions and desires, tempering my passions with faith.
I wish it is just the stars, the celestial confluence & combination, and may the negative celestial influence not last long.

1 comment:

mehul said...

Ho hum....
Stars are inescapable, and as such collect an extensive mythology. In many cultures they have been regarded as the eyes of god. In any event, the idea that the psyche escaped to the upper air after death was a familiar one at least as early as the fifth century, and the popular imagination presumably contrived many aetiologies for these objects of wonder. The idea that the stars are 'heaven's eyes' is prominent in an epigram which may be roughly contemporary with Aratus, though it is ascribed to Plato. Thinking that answers to one's own confusions and conflicts lie in the celestial confluence, or even conspiracy, maywork for you.. who knows?