then AND now

Me, then: I know, everything happens for a reason.... but, sometimes, I wish I knew what the reason was. I'm too desperate to know why it happened - the way it did.

However, now: I no longer want to find out what the reasons are/were/have been. Not anymore. It's too taxing, too exhausting to keep digging. No matter what's found, there can be no closure that would bring peace and calm. Rather, it's best for me to come to terms with the happenings; what has to happen - happens; I surrender to the grand design. I have also come to terms with the consequences, the reactions, even the spiralling effect and the recurrences; the rage and the agony, or the helplessness at the betrayals - they all are part of the bigger picture. So, I simply let them be.