Cool Replies

There is always this need to share good jokes with friends. I am amazed that some wonderful nuggets are on offer on the Net these days. Some are really funny, that deserve to be shared.

Here are some Cool Replies - collected from the Net - hope they keep my readers laughing:



Customer : Waiter, do you serve pigs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.


Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?



Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.



Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.



Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?



Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.



Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?



Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.



Teacher: Peter , why are you late for school again?

Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.




Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.




A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order!"


The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."



Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master: Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer: I bet you, it won't.
Post Master: Why not?
Customer: It's addressed to Mumbai!


An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist. ''My trouble is,'' he said, ''that I keep forgetting things.''


"How long has this been going on?'' asked the psychiatrist.
"How long has what been going on?''said the man.


Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.


Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull are grazing in the field.
Teacher : How come you changed the order?
Student : Ladies first.


Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and roasted leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems....... Give the menu card!