A Weird Feeling

It's a weird feeling, actually, to see that I have been totally silent last year. It is as if the year 2025 went by without me feeling any stirrings of emotion. Which is so not true! Had I not felt like expressing myself? Of course, there have been infinite such occasions. But... my bad... I could not give voice to my own expressions. No excuses for my lapse, my lacuna, my lethargy. 

By the way, people today hardly think about the effects of their outpourings on a future date that they won't get to witness. It's all about today, the immediate present. Even the digital footprint we leave behind isn't a bother or a concern for most. We are in the "spectacular now" that is all-immersive.

When I acted dumb and turned lucky - a true story

Watched 'Dumb Money' (2023) on National Cinema Day 2023 (October 13), almost knowing nothing about it beforehand (without even seeing the trailer), and I turned out lucky to have acted on a whim (did such a thing after a really long time).

Based on a true story, the film explores the concept of short selling, where investors bet against a company's success. Director Craig Gillespie, along with the scriptwriters Lauren Schuker and Rebecca Angelo, has ensured that the Wall Street lingo and the stock market practices wouldn't alienate the viewers, and that the main narrative bearing the analogy of David versus Goliath would hold mass appeal. 

Paul Dano, Pete Davidson, Seth Rogen, Vincent D'Onofrio, Shailene Woodley, Sebastian Stan, Dane DeHaan, America Ferrera, and Rushi Kota are just some of the cast members comprising the rich ensemble, and are all excellent. The original score is composed by Will Bates, and the soundtrack features some groovy tracks guaranteed to keep one buoyant. 

It's one of the best films that I've seen this year (with the likes of 'Past Lives', 'Oppenheimer', 'Barbie', 'Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse' and 'Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3' in company).

The things we do for love

The things we do for love are often inexcusable, they cross the limits of sensibility and reason. 

The things we do in the name of love are best termed excesses, and, ironically, they are romanticized in fiction, in films, in poetry, in songs. 

The song "In the name of love..." (Bebe Rexha and Martin Garrix) goes: "If I warned you that the fire's gonna burn/ Would you walk in?/ Would you let me do it first?" 

Well, it doesn't matter whether there was a caveat in the first place or not. No one enjoys getting burnt. Even if one escapes death or being maimed, one often has to suffer from the Once Burnt, Twice Shy syndrome for life. 

PostScript: Have you seen a tall tree struck by lightning? I have. In my childhood, I was traumatized witnessing the top of a coconut tree catch fire when lightning struck. A common myth is to take shelter under a tree, to feel safe when it's raining and one's out on a field or by the roadside. Warning: it is NOT at all advisable to seek shelter under tall trees that attract lightning. 

The worst memory of mine was witnessing the tree die a slow death thereafter. 

a wish, a prayer

I pray that all my friends and acquaintances get through the battles they don't tell me about. 

I should know, of all people, because I myself don't share all my problems with friends or family, I prefer keeping things locked up inside. That is, in part, my inherent nature, and it's also because of how I've been conditioned as a child, as a young person. 

However, I sincerely wish to tell all my friends: It's absolutely okay with me when you decide to open your heart to me, even if it is to make me feel that your battles are bigger than mine - no competition there, you see. 

Simply lending a patient ear is also a part of being a friend. Whether or not the other person considers me to be their friend, I must remain non-judgmental of them when they share their woes. It can sometimes be too late for us to realize that we could have done things differently when we had attempted to reach out to our friends in distress. Even when we have an instant urge to reach out, we may stumble upon actual or perceived blocks and our moment's hesitation can cost us much. Clear all such blockages; it's tough, but, good luck to you.

May you all find a way to bear your burdens. May you find clarity in catastrophe, in the chaos that prevails. 

I wish and I pray for all the happiness of this world for my family and friends - in this new year, and beyond.

Fulminations, reverberations

Memories are bullets embedded in our souls, he said. 

He couldn't have been more right, I reason.

We must have had a common connect via memories that pain us, scar us, betray our fake projections of wellness. He is a doctor after all, isn't he supposed to know all that one needs to know about the painkillers? I wonder. Nothing can remedy the ill-feeling that's harboured deep within then. 

Denials, suppression - aided by the so-called positivity tools - nothing sticks on. Derailment of our goals of moving on and of overcoming of all toxicity from the past is bound to happen. The tormentors keep appearing in many avatars. They morph like shapeshifters into fresher beings that we may choose to put our trust in. 

We are cursed. Neither of us have been able to break the cycle. I am cursed because of getting stuck in the perpetual loop that stems from inertia of rest, plagued by mammoth vulnerability. He possibly finds the cyclical repetition In his offsprings' haplessness. 

Let's take a moment to feel sorry for each other.

The kids are alright... or, are they?

The end of the year calls for a rant, so... brace yourselves for some truth bombs. 

The kids aren't having in easy during the pandemic. Well, none of us are, but often it's the kids who have to pay a higher price, as they have to bear the brunt for longer periods in future. 

For more than a year, they have had to cope with online classes, instead of being in school, in classrooms. Of course, now, some of them have been able to go to schools, in some places, and some of the online classes have transformed too (to hybrid mode, for instance). But does that mean they are in a better position? How has the pressure been like? Well, the pressure has been overwhelming. Since the kids have better coping mechanisms, we are not often able to see the damage the unavoidable pressure situation does to them on the surface level. The strain on their mental health can be detected upon careful observation and behavioral analysis by experts, I'm sure.

Right after the outbreak of the pandemic in 2020, I had to discontinue home tuitions for obvious reasons. For me, the break was a welcome change, and it was something that I would have otherwise chosen as well, as part of personal compulsions, yet it meant saying goodbye to my students for good, or so I thought. With many of these students, and some ex-students, there's the opportunity of staying connected virtually on social media. All through 2020, and more acutely in 2021, I have had interactions with kids (teenagers, actually), and some of the conversations I had were startling for me. 

Many of their words and dialogues were indirectly cries for help. Though I did try to address them responsibly and sensibly, I could see my limitations, as I couldn't actually help them in the real, physical place. Also, I couldn't address their parents, on most occasions, since I was bound by confidentiality. The follow-up on the kids' progress could also be done satisfactorily. I felt helpless at times. 

My earnest request to parents and guardians would be to seek emotional counselling for the kids and young adults compulsorily. Some of the better schools have already understood how imperative mental health is, especially during these trying times, and have rolled out initiatives to bolster essential social and emotional skills. In fact, all educational institutions should. Specifically, to help kids deal with panic attacks and to cope with extremely stressful situations at home (or elsewhere), there are simple yet effective techniques that are needed to be taught. 

Unless we all understand how important it is for kids to be helped with fostering of communication skills, developing self-acceptance, learning coping strategies, for better relationship management and decision-making, we won't be taking care of them responsibly. Our generation did not receive decent mental health education, accept the sad fact. My school was one of the very first schools in Calcutta in the late '70s to have a designated 'psychologist' in the Senior Section, however, the system was hardly functional when I was a student (in the '80s). I did gain my perspective on the dysfunctionality much later. How I wish, as kids, we were taught that putting ourselves first is okay! In all the lessons of kindness (in Moral Science, that we were compulsorily taught) towards others, we should have been taught to be kind to ourselves too. We should have been taught that self-love isn't necessarily selfish, that choosing ourselves over others shouldn't come at a cost.

then AND now

Me, then: I know, everything happens for a reason.... but, sometimes, I wish I knew what the reason was. I'm too desperate to know why it happened - the way it did.

However, now: I no longer want to find out what the reasons are/were/have been. Not anymore. It's too taxing, too exhausting to keep digging. No matter what's found, there can be no closure that would bring peace and calm. Rather, it's best for me to come to terms with the happenings; what has to happen - happens; I surrender to the grand design. I have also come to terms with the consequences, the reactions, even the spiralling effect and the recurrences; the rage and the agony, or the helplessness at the betrayals - they all are part of the bigger picture. So, I simply let them be. 

Ever more...

Some people become ever present in our lives with every passing day....

Ritu_da shall remain in our hearts.

On his birthday, his absence from the mortal world pains me as much as it comforts me to see him manifest in my soul, ever more.

Where Does It Hurt?

Yesterday, I came across an apparently harmless lunatic at the bus-stop who asked me, from behind, in a dull and heavy tone, "Kothaay kawshto?" (Where does it hurt?)
I was stunned.
It took me a few seconds to figure out that he lacked mental balance.
I observed that in a playful loop, he would approach a random stranger, ask the question, immediately step away and then repeat it with someone else within minutes.
Strange are our cages, stranger are our flights!

Of Guys and Dolls

When I was growing up, if anyone dared to suggest that guys too love to play with dolls, he or she would have been spewed venom upon, or worse.... well, that still holds in the society I hail from.
Guys playing with dolls? No, no, no.... it is a big 'no' for goodness' sake!
But action figures.... well, they're fine of course. At least that's the evolved perception right now.
Reading comics from an early age, and being in close touch with the world scenario, although from a distance, I had known all along that guys of all ages can known to be passionate about action figures. The fact remains that still in some cultures it's very much a closet phenomenon.
Times are hopefully changing, mindsets are known to change slowly but gradually.
Even we Indians are wholeheartedly embracing the culture of men (adults of either gender actually) being charged up about collecting superhero action figures thanks to a chocolate major and its unique advertising campaign.
The manliness of the so called pin-ups is also not expected to be doubted by the impressionable majority when these models or actors are shown posing with their favorite action figures. I like it.

Hail Freedom!

Freedom can be suppressed by the forces that be for a short while only, the rebellion of the oppressed, of those who have been gagged, is certain. The voice of sanity, the voice of reason, shall be heard once more, resounding far and wide, and it shall make all the difference. A change for the better will be an outcome for sure. So, all hail freedom, break free of the shackles, the fetters are going to give away in no time.

Oh no!

Don't know about others, but when promotionals with our popular male icons scream 'ladkon_waali baat', the sexist bias just makes me cringe.

It's time to gear up!

It takes me a while to process information about people. I am not a people person and a poor judge of people too. Actually, I tend to think of myself as the non-judgmental type. A friend of mine finds it pretentious to claim so, and I have come round to his views, he does have a valid argument; so, basically, am just pathetic with the analysis and the judging when it comes to people. Yet, when I do find myself to be at the receiving end, being continually and blatantly exploited and manipulated by some wretched people who form the voluminous part of the scum-of-the-earth, I too can say: Enough Is Enough! It's Time To Gear Up! It's Time To Move On!
It is really important for people like us, am sure there are more like me, to come face to face with the hard-core challenges that one cannot evade, there's no fleeing from the creeps, the wretches, the deranged psychos, and we must believe for sure that life itself provides us the real time data analytics for real time decision-making. As far as the combat strategies are concerned, one can have faith in the machinations of the supreme strategist who controls all, who helps us assemble, assess and integrate information and aid us in taking the all-important decisive steps.
Wish me luck!

Happy Birthday, Dear Aamir!

Dear Aamir.......
This is an open letter to you.
Nothing too personal.
It's some thoughts that I want to share with all.
All of us have dreams. And many of us try to eke out a living by pursuing our dreams, and even selling dreams to millions. A few are successful in pursuing those dreams. But a fewer still are successful in selling dreams that millions don't just hold on to as ideals but also believe in the possibility of their fruition no matter how impossible that may be, judging by the parameters of reality.
You have not just successfully spun dreams on the celluloid for years, but have been a true inspiration for several more than the blind followers of a hero's antics on the big screen choosing to stay mesmerized within the darkened theaters where unreal is real all in the name of entertainment..... you have helped people sit up and take note of the hardcore realities, of the unsavory truths, and have made people genuinely charged up and energized to contribute towards positive changes in the society. You have helped people break barriers, overcome limitations and inhibitions, and continue to do so as the second season of your reality show Satyamev Jayate continues its glorious run on television.
I can't help but shun my acerbic apprehensions regarding tv-philanthropy and feel all zesty and optimistic.
May your goodness rub off on us, and may our society be blessed with more of your kind.
Here's wishing you a Very Happy Birthday!

a collage of film-stills

the many moods

'Ghajini'

an early photo-shoot

The best feeling

I know, it may sound cliched.......
I know, it would not mean much to the world that does not understand the significance of what lies in between the words, what it really feels.......
yet, I have to admit, to that 'special person' as much as to myself, that it feels the best, the very best, when I look at that person and, wonder of wonders, I see a smile so genuine, a smile that can be credited to my presence, my being in that person's life, an affirmation that's unique.

Mahalaya....

Today happens to be Mahalaya....
a day that used to be much significant for me, once, largely because of my Dad. It is a landmark day for all traditional Bangalis, and my Dad was one who placed a lot of emphasis on the age-old traditions. I too happily had grown with the emotional attachment that one has for Durga Pujo and Mahalaya.... the joyance is all nostalgia now....

The Post with a Difference

A lot happened this week, a lot of stuff that I usually do not write about but am penning, I mean typing, at the request of a dear friend who complains that I do not write about the goings on in my life. Well, for one, I do not like blabbering about things that are too mundane. Again, I do not even warm up to the idea of writing things which are likely to have a high shock value for my readers, but which truly happen to be the parcel of my life. Anything in between those two extremes hardly happens.
Another friend of mine, after all the years that we have been friends, complains that he does not approve of me sharing what I call 'cool' stuff via messages as they are un-original despite my claims that they reflect my thoughts and moods. I have given up on the explanations, but I fear I'll be desisting from messaging him randomly in the future. He seems to have outgrown frequent messaging. But let him be.
A significant development on the other hand has been by renewing ties with an old friend, who had severed all ties a couple of years back quite unceremoniously and was later presumed dead. It is he who has said something profound: Time moves on and we later regret... for words not said, for love not shown. Life's too short. So, do what makes you happy!
He also adds: Sometimes, I dream of things which are too good to be true. Then, I wake up....and my heart breaks. I realize that it was just a dream. It makes me cry." His words made me emotional, made me wish to reach out to him and help him deal with his insecurities. Yet, I feel so helpless, so incompetent to do the things that I should have done. I can hardly help myself at times, so the idea of helping someone else in that way seems like a luxury.
Yet another friend of mine, someone who is more like a younger brother, had something important to tell, and I share his words with the world, as I feel they make much sense even when one reads them irrespective of the context in which they were uttered, they could well be a borrowed words, but that hardly matters. He says: If some untold truth is the reason behind our unknown pain, then the weird part is, we don't know we'll be happy or sad once we know them.... when we question ourselves in vain, we need to know that some questions better remain unanswered; while sometimes we can't find answers, the truth is that sometimes we even don't want to.
Oh, this week, I also caught the new movie by Q (Qaushiq Mukherjee) - 'Tasher Desh' (House of Cards) - an adaptation of Rabindranath Tagore's famous musical! Interestingly, post-screening, I befriended a nice young guy who hails not from Kolkata, and was leaving the city the very next day. We chatted about the film and more. I had loved the film (both of us did). My preparedness (was prepared to be shocked, stunned, stimulated) resulted in feeling rewarded, on the whole. What I liked best about the film was its original vision, the international feel, that had a lot to do with the script having eschewed much, just as it has incorporated much more. Q, according to me, has still managed to retain the core essence of the Tagore musical, not a mean feat, eh?

Tasher Desh

A catty post

What's it with me and cats?
Now, don't get me wrong. I do not have a cat fetish.
I have a liking for cats, but it does not border on the insane.
All I want to draw attention to is the fact that cats have featured in many significant episodes in my life. I have petted cats in the past, though I never had what can be called a house-cat.
Right now, there is neither the space nor scope to indulge cats.
Sometimes, I do miss their company, but admire cats from a distance, or those that belong to my friends and acquaintances.
However, for a fortnight or so, a cat has been keeping close watch on me, or so it seems.
Every night, rather late at night, even past midnight at times, I find a cat waiting outside my door.
I have never fed it, never showed any affection, yet it is found waiting just outside the door, whenever I open the door, which I do regularly to check if she is there or not!
First, I thought it happened by chance, a random straying on her part.
But she never ceases to be right there at the dead of night.
It has become a routine......... a strange routine.
I open my door, before going to sleep, each night, almost like an obsession.
I live on the second floor. So the cat has to either climb up the stairs, or she climbs down from the terrace (the terraces of apartments being inter-connected).
Stranger still, she never makes a noise; she is never found during the day!
All she does is sit and stare.
I switch on lights on the stairways, which are switched off by midnight anyway, to see if it is all just an illusion........ the other residents on my floor are asleep by then, or maybe oblivious, and I can't check if I am the only one who has been experiencing this catty affair.
Maybe I never will find out, unless the cat in question can communicate in some way, and expresses her heart's desire.
I am sharing here some catty images which have earlier been sent to me by many an e-friend.
Let us be happy-catty-cool. Meowwwwwwwwww!

An ode to the superheroes.....

(......and the superheroines as well!)

And such an ode was long over-due, many would say.
Well, this post is just for them, and none else.
To be honest, I have often wondered if I am actually some superhero....... one who is yet to realize what his superpowers were....... one who is still hibernating for all practical purposes....... one who is cursed, and hence robbed of all superpowers!!!




So, today, I took this quiz that a good friend of mine made me take.
It is to help one understand which superhero one is......
I mean, not to be taken seriously, but just an interesting aspect about one's personality that one can find about. The quest is definitely for the one is a superhero buff, as is the friend in question, more so than me.

I took the test, goaded by the fact that this world of ours is filled with superhero fanatics.
They come, as they say, in all shapes and sizes........ hahaha.
The cyberspace is filled with their kind. One plays out one's superhero fantasies at times in the open, undaunted by the jibes of the phobics and the skeptics.
We all want to unleash the superhero spirit lurking deep within our soul,
whatever be the degree of our madness, whatever be the extent of our faith.

The quiz referred to above, 'Which Superhero Are You?' made me answer a whole lot of questions...... ranging from 'Do you like to fly?' and 'Do you like hi-tech gadgets?' to 'Do you wear thongs?' and 'Do you wear a push-up bra?' - unbelievable, no?
Well, to amuse my readers here are some of the other questions I had to answer (there were a series of circles between the two extremes of Yes and No which one had to click in) and find out who I really was (inside, eh?). Sample these:

Are you very virtuous?
Are you a persistent do-gooder?
Are you somewhat reserved and easy going?
Are you an intelligent geek?
Are you accident prone?
Are you a hopeless romantic?
Do you have a good sense of humor?
Did you have a bad childhood?
Do you have long hair?
Are you VERY comfortable with your body?
Do you value independence and privacy?
Are you good at reading people?
Do you like to be in the limelight?
Are you young at heart?
Are you a little naive?
Are you easily angered?
Are you a loner?
Do you often hurt people without realizing it?
Do you move a lot?
Have you ever stolen anything?
Do you use people to get your way?
Do you like bad boys (or girls)?
Are you much of a drinker?
Are you obviously powerful?
Are you a show off?
Do you like to build things?
Have you achieved a lot from hard work?

Well, if you have come to the bottom of the post, laughing, smiling, cringing or squirming, here is the answer.......
the answer is: I am Green Lantern!

Good old funda

New sayings, naah?
Newly packaged..... maybe.
It's some good old funda, but I find it cool, spelt kewl.

Earlier such stuff was considered to be street smart graffiti
and it caught on mainly among the urban youth and those who were clued in about the underground culture were only the ones who had a passion for the same.
But now such fundamentals are an integral part of the social networking revolution.
Kids can quote such wisecracking texts faster than they can quote contents from their curriculum.
There are cool quotes for every occasion, every season, every rhyme or reason.
They deal with romance, heartbreaks, disillusions, disappointments, and attitudinal dynamics.
I find many of these being frequented in Facebook,
people of all ages are found using them increasingly as status updates,
or they choose to privately share them with their friends, in communities,
and they tag their friends with the same.
Some of them seem hilarious, some plain stupid;
some compel me to comment, and some I just chuckle over or ruminate on.
Most of the times, I smile or laugh all by myself.
So, for a change, I am making my readers have their share of joy as well.
The words or the graphics do not have a mention of the origin or source, so I cannot oblige,
however, no copyright infringement has been intended.